Splice
by ICanHazCheeseBurgerRawr
Summary: Insane redhead, young teacher, emo-haired bookworm, dancing mullet, mhm, Axel has everything. Specially when that 'young teacher' gets into his life, along with his strange obsession with animals. T for Axel's sanity. AkuRoku/Zemyx. Insane Story.
1. Animal Fetishes Are Cool

**Me: I wrote this at literally three in the morning, so this might seem insane, and it is, trust me.**

**Disclaimer: WHO IN GODS NAME KEEPS SAYING I OWN KINGDOM HEARTS? SILENCE, I DON'T! **

**Note: Um, um, yeah, this involves a really insane Axel, like always, a moody Roxas, like always, and thrusting acti- okay, that's for another time, anyway, yeah, moodiness turns Axel on. :D**

**Warning: Shoooot, I think I just did the warning above, what am I ever supposed to do?**

***Dances to the six flags theme.***

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Who agrees that school sucks? I, Axel, yes just Axel, hate, school. For many reasons, infact. Not just one, like all of those emo's who just think life sucks because they're black nailpolish spilled all over their lips. I could easily name the reasons as to why I hate school, but if I did that I would just be wasting your time, so guess what, I'm going to do it anyway, because I am an angsty Axel.

One, the teachers are whores.

Two, the teachers are whores.

Three, homework sucks.

Four, homework sucks.

Five, the girls.

Six, the girls.

Etc, etc.

Those are my MAIN reasons though.

But yes, today class was extremely weird, we had a new teacher. A hot new teacher. That Axel approves of. A lot. His name is Roxas Strife, and I swear to god, he has to be fourteen, if he's not the world will explode, I mean, he's pretty much a kid prodigy, with a spicy attitude. No really, today, he nearly killed me for shoving pencils up my nose.

With his pencil.

That's pretty skilled, okay, very skilled, so skilled, such a skilled, kiddo.

"Axel, shut up, and stop smiling at the sky, it is gay and slightly arousing for the girls around you." Roxas dropped the book we were reading out of, and stared at me dissaprovingly.

I meowed.

He stared.

I blinked.

He stared.

I meowed again.

Detention.

Sweet.

God.

I.

Love.

That.

Boy.

Smile.

I need to stop doing that, it might creep you people out, here. Here is a hug from Axel, to you guys! 'Cause I love you guys to, just not as much as Roxas, I hope that doesn't upset you too much, I'll still sleep with you if you have fire though, or a Roxas plushie when Roxas kicks me out of the bed.

Because I'm getting Roxas in bed.

Mhm, I am, the statement above is the truth. Infact, it is the reason you are alive. You're alive because I have a strong grasping and longing love for a dirty blonded, ocean eyed, hot, little fourteen-year old boy. That is why you are alive.

YOUR ALIVE! YES YOUR ALIVE! OH YEAH- Oops, we're walking back to my house now.

OOOOOOOOOO

THE HOUSE.

Is full of animals.

No seriously, there's my hedgehogs, my kitty cats, my ratties, my doggies, my fishies, my froggies, and my boa's. I love these guys to.

Well, Axel has to go to sleep now.

Why?

Because um.

Froggity said so.

Yes.

BYE!

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**Me: I had to be stoned when I made this.**


	2. One Fiesty Papi

**Me: Okay! Sorry for the longest wait, evar. But, I will finish this story! Do not fear! Here is your long chapter! ENJOY!~**

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Okay, so, yeah.

My animals woke me up this morning and it wasn't a very pretty sight for Axel. You see, Frisky had gotten a hold of some expired tuna, and he really likes biting and...I won't go into detail. I'll just say it hurt like hell, because it did.

So, anyways, right now I am getting read for my long awaited for...

School! You see, I always hated school until Roxas came, then I learned to love it, because, well, I will describe Roxas to you, happily. Ehem, be prepared to faint because I am so not kidding, he is hot.

Blonde.

Blue-eyed.

Skinny.

Wears glasses.

Ties tie wrongly.

Has an attitude.

Has the hots for Axel.

Has millions of fangirls.

When he takes of his glasses he looks like a fucking angel.

He IS an angel.

Spikes his hair up.

And I could go on forever, and ever.

Now, I really didn't believe love at first sight, nobody ever did. But it was different with Roxas, it was like, a mix of, "OH MY GAWSH I LOVE HIM." "OH MY GAWSH HE'S IS SO CUTE!" "OH MY GAWSH I LOVE HIS PERSONALITY!" "OH MY GAWSH HE'S SO COOL!" all mixed together. Man, I may sound really, really, cheesy right now, but I only tell you lovelies the truth.

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School.

Yes.

School.

I really didn't think Roxas had that many fangirls, I just got to sit in the back and watch them all gawk at him as if he were some hot god. He was a hot god. But, it annoyed me. I didn't even know if Roxas was like that, and I doubt he'd like me if I came up to him and just asked, and it made me paranoid seeing how easygoing he was with the girls. What if he was a homophobe? I have nothing against girls at all, it's just that y'know, love is love, and you can't really pick who you love, and I just so happen to fall in love with a guy, sooo.

What hurt me the most is the fact that one of the girls was looking at him seductively and he didn't do anything about it. I don't think this is being selfish- okay, maybe it is, but isn't someone supposed to feel a little protective over the one they love?

"Okay, okay! Everyone to your seats!" The way he spoke, the way he looked, his figure, his personality, his eyes.

Roxas was a fucking perfect angel, no kidding.

"Excuse me? Teacher?" A blonde girl started, raising her hand. It didn't take Roxas long to process who asked the question, because we all knew who it was, and all of the sissy guys got a little afraid. It was Larxene. A girl with a hard a rock attitude, and one of the most popular girls around. Even Roxas had to be a little afraid of the girl, despite his cool personality.

"Yes...Larxene?" His blue eyes gazed at the girl curiously, and for a moment I saw a hint of emotion in them, before they went back to their dark blue color. I could tell he was nervous, because he was biting his lip, and he was trying to make himself look smaller then the rest of the room.

"Are you gay? Because you certainly look like you are." Everyone around laughed at Larxene's remark, her buddies around giving her highfives. I glared angrily towards the other blonde, who just so happens to be a bitch, and looked apologetically towards Roxas, who looked extremely hurt, even Riku, another one of the most popular guys, was looking at him.

...

He looked like he was about to cry.

"Who...THE FUCK DO YOU MISTAKE ME FOR?" He suddenly burst out, I had to give the kid kodos, because everyone stopped laughing, and just stared at him. Nobody had ever stood up to Larxene like that, ever.

"You think you know me after just getting a first glance? That's impossible! There is always something more to a person then that! And don't go assuming negative comments either! Larxene! Stop being a stuck up bitch!"

Once again dead silence, but everyone around looked rather amused, and someone in the back even started clapping and soon the room was full with full applauds towards Roxas.

God, why does he have to be so awesomely awesome? It's not fair, no really it's not.

I bet he has everything.

_"You think you know me after just getting a first glance? That's impossible!"_

Those words kept repeating in my mind.

Maybe he doesn't have everything...

But, I would most certainly give him everything he deserved.

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**Me: THAT TOOK AWHILE TO TYPE, AND I KNOW IT ISN'T THE LONGEST BUT IT IS STILL LONGER THEN THE FIRST CHAPTER.**

**CAPS.**

**IS.**

**SO.**

**COOL.~**

**Oh, and if you want send me an idea about the next chapter.  
**


	3. Let's Have Babies Plox

**Me: OKAY. I think I will be working on this the most. :D**

**Thanks for the reviews guys, I swear you all are just so uber awesome. QuQ**

**Okay, well, on with the chapter!  
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"Let's have babies." Oh my god I can't believe I said that out loud.

"...What?"

Well, Axel, Roxas heard you so what else then to go along like you actually meant to say it even though you didn't mean to say it you were just being a seventeen year old boy with weird little daydreams.

"It's a line we had to rehearse in Sex Ed." I nodded. Which only made the blonde question my sanity even more. Hell, I'm insane and I'm proud.

"You're an idiot."

"You're sexy."

Oh god.

Well, Axel, before he beats you into a wall, spits on you, and runs you over with a roadrunner-which has happened to me before, you better do something to hide you're shame. What should I do you may or may not ask? Wait for a response and pray to god that he will not beat me into a wall, spits on me, and run me over with a roadrunner, because let's face it, that would suck.

"I know I am, get back to work."

Um...

What the hell? Did he just agree with my flirtatious remark?

Score one for Axel.

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Luckily for me, I got to meet up with the blonde again...after school...why do I always meet him in the most kinkiest places? I mean really, I could rape him right now, but I won't because...

"So, this is where you take girls to tap them?" I asked casually, staring at the blonde, who turned blood red and scooted away from me.

"U-um..." He stuttered, blinking.

"I knew it! How could you?" Yay for drama class.

People were starting to stare through the window, and Roxas smirked playing along.

"Because you never paid attention to me, bitch! You never truly understood me!"

"Because you never told me about yourself!"

"I LIKE THE COLOR BLUE!"

"GREEN!"

"GREEN IS FOR LOSERS!"

"DO YOU LIKE ANIMALS?"

"HELL NO!"

"Yikes..."

Oh well, I still love him.

Anyways, our scene apparently caused buttloads of girls to faint, and squeal, while the boys walked away with wide eyes. Axel has won the game, big time. I still don't know if we're exactly friends yet though, because he's my teacher, and it would be kind of strange if he were to become my friend so quickly.

"Well, I got to go! Um...here!" He wrote on a piece of paper only to reveal...

...

...

...

HOLY SHIT I GOT HIS PHONE NUMBER! I loooove my life!

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Okay, so Axel had a really strange dream last night. It kind of scared me, because it had something to do with my animals, and I love my animals a lot and it would hurt my soul in order to see them fade away.

_"Have you payed the pied piper?"_

_"Um...yes?"_

_"You are now Moses congrats."_

_"Thanks you."_

_"I could make like a turtle and dive for your pearls in the sea, glue them together, and make a necklace."_

_"That sounded strangely sexual."_

_"It was supposed to."_

_"I see."_

_"I see to."_

_"You're a smart voice."_

_"I know, I know."_

_"Wanna cuddle?"_

_"But..."_

_"But what?"_

_"I didn't bring my blankets."_

_"What blanke-"_

_"Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!"_

_"WORK! BEAT! FIERCE! STYLE! WORK! BEAT! FIERCE! STYLE!"_

_"WORK, BEAT, FIERCE, STYLE, WORK, BEAT, FIERCE, STYLE, WORK, BEAT, FIERCE, STYLE!"_

_"Let's do the fork in the garbage disposal! Let's do the fork in the garbage disposal!"_

_"R-DA-DI-DING-DING-DING-DA-DA-RING-DA-DING-DA-DING-DING-DING!"_

_"STOP!"_

_"I lost my contacts!"_

_"FOUND IT!"_

_"LOOK AT KIKI GO! YOU'RE YESSING TO HARD GIRL! STOP IT BITCH! STOP! KIKI STOP!"_

_"MY FRIEND JUST GOT KILLED BY THE YES!"_

_"I MUST BELIEVE...IN THE YES!"_

_"THE YES...KNOWS ALL!"_

_"EVERYONE WE NEED TO HELP KIKI, Y'NEEDA SAY HER NAME!"_

_"KIKI! I LOVE YOU!"_

_"I LOVE YOU TO!"_

_"HERE, I HAVE AN ENERGY DRINK!"_

_"YOU SHOULD TRY IT!"_

_"OKAY!"_

_And that my friends was my dream, and it scared me._

_"Mommy!"_

_"What Axey?"_

_"I-I..."_

_I need to go cuddle._

_

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_**Me: Okay, so...**

**...**

**I don't own the Yes song, and I have no clue if I did that right.**

**Things get real crazy after 8:30...giggity.**

**Um...**

**And I actually had that dream in real life, so if you want review...**

**And tell me how strange I am.  
**


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